How to Call Someone You Haven't Talked to in a Long Time
from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit
Sometimes we fall out with people, other times we may just fall off with them. Either way sometimes these are people that we are deeply connected too, care for, or worry about. Depending on the circumstances, its ok to make the first move, even if just to say "Hello".
Steps
- First, think about it. Are you on good terms, bad terms, or any terms with this person? What was said the last time you two talked? Was it positive, negative, heated, dry? This may make you decide against contacting this person. Think of questions like " Will making this call harm or help me or the other person?" If you get emotional or negative thoughts, you may want to think twice about contacting them.
- If after the initial thought process, you still feel that you should call this person, think about how you feel they may react. Try and think of all possible scenarios from best to worst. Just think of them, don't make them expectations. You want to prepare yourself for anything; yet, not get your hopes up and provide yourself with the opportunity to be disappointed.
- Now you have to pick a contact method. Decide what your favorite medium is, but also take into consideration how they may respond to certain communications.
- For instance, emails to some seem impersonal or even coward-like, on the flip side you may feel less anxious using written word.
- Some also may think of sending a text message, but that probably isn't a good idea. They might not recognize your number and ignore it. Also, a text can be read in a different tone then how you intended to relay it. It also can be read/deleted by another person. Also, can you really say all that needs to be said in 160 characters?
- You call also take the conventional route via telephone, more personal, tone will be more exact and you may avoid miscommunication, but you may also be ignored and sent to voice mail, but that has to be a risk you are willing to take. Lastly there is a face to face visit. Maybe you know where they live, work or play. Depending on how or why you stopped talking, this may not be the best idea. If its your elderly grand-mother, then go on over!
- For instance, emails to some seem impersonal or even coward-like, on the flip side you may feel less anxious using written word.
- After you decide on medium, try practicing in your head what you might say. Keep it simple, see how you are initially perceived. Start with a simple " Hi this is John, how ya been?" See what happens before you start to ramble off any apologies or life stories.
- If you choose a written method stay short and see what type of response you are written back, if calling just trying to read into there tone and response. If you are put in a weird "one-word" convo then politely cut it off, but leave it open for future talks, this person may need time to process how they feel about speaking with you. i.e " Well I was just calling to check on you, its been a while, keep in touch okay?"
- If you choose a written method stay short and see what type of response you are written back, if calling just trying to read into there tone and response. If you are put in a weird "one-word" convo then politely cut it off, but leave it open for future talks, this person may need time to process how they feel about speaking with you. i.e " Well I was just calling to check on you, its been a while, keep in touch okay?"
- Lastly, if the person decides to converse with you willingly, ask questions, sound interested in the answers. Remember you "called" them, its up to you to keep the conversation afloat as long as you will let them. If it merges into a "what happened in the past" re-cap, keep an open mind and listen, and be honest. You may learn something about them, or yourself!!
Tips
- If it gets ugly, you get hung up one, or you get no response... just leave it alone, you tried.
- If you call and get the voice mail, leave a message! But keep that short, "Just called to say Hi, if you to call me back my number is 555-5552, otherwise I'll try and catch you at another time, take care!"
- Be mindful/respectful or their possible situations, depending on the amount of time its been and the relationship he/she may be married, have children..or be in a monastery. Contact at a decent hour and be honest. If you get the new girl/boyfriend, just ask for whomever and leave your name if necessary, you don't want to cause any hostility
- Be patient, if you don't get the response you want or any, just wait a while. It may come it may not.
- If you are a persistent person, only try 1 - 3 times. Keep in mind that it may be painful for them to speak to you.
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